I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
