We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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