plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize