Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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