I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
