don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
