there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
