Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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