i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
