I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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