The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
