Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
