there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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