I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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