So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
