I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
