I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
