i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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