Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
