So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
