my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
