Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
