I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
