Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just invented taco cereal.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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