Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
