It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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