i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
