College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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