watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
