She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize