I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
