can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize