Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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