NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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