So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
