look no pants
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
