threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
