Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
