Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
