This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
