Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
