He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize