Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think i have two assholes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize