You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
