I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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