Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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