You can't motorboat a personality
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
