How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Randomize
