why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize