just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
