Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize