Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
