so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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