he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
True strength comes from lack of pants
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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