shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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