Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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