I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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