he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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