I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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