His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
