Swine flu. Run for my life!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
