It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
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