God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
