Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
