I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
