I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Congratulations! We have a period
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