I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
