i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
