I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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