where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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