dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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