I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
