This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize