so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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