I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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