youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
