What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
