Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
