I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
