The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
