So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
