Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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