How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
