tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
