her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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