I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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