Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
