I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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