There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
