Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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