I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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