Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
