can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i think i just lost a toe
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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