I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
