Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
