I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
