You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
