Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
