i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
