i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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