ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
