I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
