The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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