I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
