i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
