Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize