Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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