So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
