is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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