We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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