Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
