omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
