I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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